I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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