you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
