the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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