He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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