booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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