I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
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I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
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She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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