Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize