how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
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That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
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Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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