thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I want a musical about memes.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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