Whatcha textin bout Willis?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
