I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
