so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
