it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
