rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
