she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
