Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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