That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
