You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
