I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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