Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize