I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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