i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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