He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
