i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
