dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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