so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
