Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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