one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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