She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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