"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
