No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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