He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
