i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
