Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
