There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
