kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
