Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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