Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
