I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
