In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
