i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
