You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
