Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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