Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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