You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
