I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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