I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
