Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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