dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
