I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
