don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
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