i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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