Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
