i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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