I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
