franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
