Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
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He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
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we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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