I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
