So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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