Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
