I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Randomize