i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
