Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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