if you like me you must not know who I am
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
