Only a mothe r could love this liver
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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