Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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