its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
